A JOURNEY BACK TO CHILDHOOD

I want to go back to the time when, “ Getting High” meant “On a Swing”, when “Drinking “ meant “ Juice” , when “ Dad “ was the only “Hero” , When “ Love” was “Mum’s Hug” , when “ Dad’s Shoulder” was the “ Highest Place on Earth”, when your “Worst enemies” were your “ Siblings” , when the only “ Broken” were your” Toys” and when “ Goodbye” only meant “till tomorrow”. I read this note somewhere and it really touched my nerves and inner soul, so much that I took an analytical journey of myself. It is sometime very important for me to just talk to myself , it gives me a better understanding of myself .

When “Getting High “ meant “ On a swing” ----Oh! Happy Days why did you hide “yourself” so to only make us run behind money, status, assets and what not. I do not say these are not important in life , Yes it is but it ceases from us the ability to get happy at little things happening around us. Getting High have no limits , we race against ourselves so to attain a comfortable life . Oops! Did I say COMFORTABLE? Do I really mean it? My Husband gets up at eight O Clock in the morning and after that he could not manage a penny time to sit and relax until he goes for bed late night. This is because he is involved with Service, Bussiness ,Share , etc. ----all these for a comfortable life. “COMFORTABLE ?”

Life itself has set some goals for us and we run to attain the same, the day we achieve the same, some new target get set for us. This is Life for us. I really miss the life when Dad was my only Hero. Though Dad is still my Hero and I am proud to have a Father like Him beside me , who, in every critical stages of life ushered his warmth on me and comforted me in every way. But I miss him when I get jolted down by the hard punches of life – I miss my hero , I miss those hands who used to hold my hand firmly at the time of crisis and supported me. Now at the time of difficulties what I do to compensate his absence is just close my eyes and think what we could have advised me if he would have been with me.

Life is an ongoing process and we are just puppets tied with an invisible string , when Mum’s Hug was the only source of love and warmth for us – that was the time when love was a simple sum of 2 + 2 = 4 and now I find it a complex mathematical equation. But though maths , if worked out correctly have an happy ending i.e. it gets solved out but love have no simple solution. Love contains in itself so many relations, so many expectations and demands and it is next to impossible to meet up all those every time and when you fail------LOVE is at “?” Once rising high for me was mounting up on the shoulder of my father and have a glance of the down ward world. It was a time of triumph and joy and made my heart leap with delight. . Though rising high never meant achieving materialistic comforts but also it is not so simple as then , I never wanted to be an empire builder but in a way always satisfied as a self reliant , honest individual . It makes me happy to think that I am blessed with the ability to make my family members happy, I am satisfied to attain that height where I could take the responsibility of my husband, son and my in-laws. Height for me was never to see my pockets full of money but to maintain my own life in a peaceful manner which revolves around my family members, my education, my travelling mania and maintaining healthy – steady relationships with some very good friends.

I really wonder at the word “ Goodbye” – when goodbye was till tomorrow then also it was so painful. Painful , when I had first crush in my school days , painful when I first fell in love, painful when finally understood what is love and found the same ---everytime “ goodbye” made me impatient and anxious to see the next day sun. But now at my 30s GOODBYE have a broader meaning, now goodbye means my hero will never meet me again other than in dreams , now goodbye means patient waiting of soulful showering of tears within my eyes to see my father for once. Goodbye now is for ever.

CHILDHOOD is a gift of ALMIGHTY to us, full of splendour, benevolence, adventures and curious turns and curves which prepares us day by day to face a new phase of life in future. I cherish those left out moments and say to myself OH! GOD make my wish true, let me once more travel back in time.

A 'BOND'

It Started long back- around 28 years back or so, two unknown personality met with each other in a room full of unknown faces . But somehow they chose each other as good companion and the journey started . Both of us were poles apart in every respect, looks, attitude, behavioural pattern, perception towards life , etc. but still a bond tied us together. We became the BEST FRIENDS. Me and Gopa . The whole class, the school , everybody used to know us by our friendship.
Today when she along with her daughter came to visit my family - I felt so complete and contended as both of us travelled a long journey, sometime together , sometime distant , but always reached each other in times of crisis and today both of us are happy and settled with our own family.We talked a lot and cherished very special moments and laughed at all our silly workouts . While we were busy sharing our part of the PIE mistu and bebo were busy playing with each other. This sight is very pleasing. Because of that very special bond between us which ties these two little child together.
Again, I felt very proud and grateful to Almighty when I came to know from one of my close friend, LOpa , that today also she remembers me whenever she hear the song " aap ki najron ne samjha pyar ke kabil mukjhe"- a very old hindi song. It's because I used to sing this song very frequently in my school days and she treasure the memory so lovingly. So you see, here also that very bond works. This bond of freindship is very precious and I feel very, very happy inside to know that I have people around me who cares to share this relation.

It's very strange , sometime you mix with people for years and still the cohesion does not grow and sometime you meet the person only very few times and you feel the concreteness. Same I felt when few days back I talked to Sanhita, wife of one of my school friend, Satrajit. I met her very few times ,when all of us were in school, though Sanhita was in different school but still both of us share a very special relation which time could not make fade today also.

This bond of friendship is very peace-giving and it makes you feel enriched and wealthy. Yes WEALTHY. In my recent trip to Kalimpomg , We met with the side effects of AYELA and this was propaganed by media . As a result lots of relatives called me to know my whereabouts and I am really thankful to them. But to my utmost surprise , when I was busy enjoying the beauty of the Golf Course in Kalimpong Ranar(once my colleague) called me up to know whether we were safe or not. I was very happy to realise his deep caring attitude towards my family.

This bond, I say, is just like icing on the delicious recipe called life. God has gifted us with this ingredient called friendship to garnish our life. Friendship is such a relation which shower happyness, intimacy and peace in situations where we are left with tears.And we must be thankful to Almighty God for such a beautiful creation.

Kalimpong- Abode of Clouds

After a very tiring journey in night service, so called ROCKET bus we reached Siliguri 6 hrs. late than the scheduled time. Well, thats a welcoming surprise , isn't it?From there we rolled on in a bolero and moved towards Kalimpong , at my utmost surprise I found my Handycam is not functioning and thus geared down my excitement of taking some beautiful movie of the sizzling TISTA.

The first sign of the green, lustful yet calm Mountains around did burst a feel good factor in me. Mountains- Rivers and the cohesive beauty always give me immense pleasure and happiness inside. We reached kalimpong exactly after 3 hrs of starting the journey. And in Kalimpong we are welcomed by an Travel agent , Sanjay Sundar ( a friend of my Husband's Colleage) and the hotel owner better known as Kaku. We reached his hotel , STAR LODGE and all our tiredness extricated out viewing the beauty of Kalimpong from the varandah of our rooms. BEAUTIFUL HOTEL, GOOD DECORATION, WELL MAINTAINED AND EXTRAVAGANT PANORAMIC VIEW OF KALIMPONG FROM THE HOTEL. It was all beyond expectation in a tour like this which was just planned 3 days back of the date of journey.
What mesmerised me the most is the hide and seek of the clouds with the mountains and the sorrounding arena.One can spent endless time watching these clusters of clouds playing with the green vast mountain region.Fortunately I have visited most of the Hill stations in India and some most rural hill villages but never seen such playful couds. Really it seem that someone very mystically and craftfully placed all these clouds in every nook and corner of the mountains. And it gave a tintillating effect when it rushes towards you to give a warm-cold welcome.
We did all the site scenes of Kalimpong and its worth watching , the most beautiful among them , what I felt is the Golf Course. WOW!! green can be so ravishing and sophiticated is well understood while I had the glance of this Golf Course. The beauty totally engrossed all of us and mistu kept on hopping and running throughout. We decided to visit it for 2nd time in this tour as it was not very far from our hotel and we did so later. Delo is also very beautiful and rich in its beauty.

The following day we headed towards Lava , and that very day aeyela occured in Kolkata , the effect of which we faced while we were in lava. On the way to Lava we went to see Lolegaon, famous for the forest zone. I had a different experience of mountains this time, firstly it was raining haevily and thus the sky was gloomy then it was deep forest with huge trees all around, I have never seen such huge, gigantic ferns before, thus it was a move towards dark and darker gradually. The canopy walk in lolegaon was though very risky in rain but we enjoyed the adventure. When we reached Lava it was almost 3 p.m and was raining fiercely , thus the wet- damp weather was not very pleasing . Our stay in Lava was very dull as we do not like the natives, their behaviour and overall the weather depressed us the most. Thus we decided to leave Lava and move for Kalimpong the next day. It was a dangerous day with wind howling , and cold haunting us like anything to make the situation worst it was raining cats and dogs.Anyway we prayed to God and started our journey , but it was interrupted time and again due to the storm outside and many atime my hubby dear and the driver went out of the cab and moved all the tree brances to make the way. It was very scaring .

Anyway we reached Kalimpong safely after a frightful journey of 2 1/2 hrs. and again went back to Kaku's hotel. We missed all these days this good warm hotel and the cooked food , Kaku use to cook himself. Well known atmosphere , good arrangement put all of us in ease again.And the remaining days went fine and peacefull only disturbance was due to heavy storm and rain the electric supply was disrupted as a whole and we thus enjoyed candle light dinner as a result.

Well, thats it..that was my trip to the abode of clouds and it was very refreshing and rejuvenating. Daily life calling readers....so bye for now see you later.

Life Under The Tree

Well, though the title of the story signifies something very glossy and green, but in real it's not so. Life under the tree is my present address(temporary). No...NO...don't get jerked down, don't feel jolted....what I mean to say is, underneath the tree is my shelter from 9.00 am to 10: 30 am.( which will linger to 11.15 a.m later). Didn't understood still? Oh my good readers nowadays I go along with my son in school in a pool car and pass my idle time under the tree in road-side. Must be wondering about my life-style. Please don't this is the story of most of the mothers in big-shot, hi-fi schools , irrespective of classes , who doesn't have any other option other than to spent time in roadside , convenient location, till the class gets terminated.
Often while I chat and talk with other mothers, I question myself that what am I doing? I know I am not the only one in the cluster but still the thought haunts me. I could have stay at home and finished one more chapter of my English Text Book but no I have spent the hard earned time under the tree chatting with my fellow mates. The people with whom I am acquainted with the similar minded but I witness lots of people, weared attittudes, luxury of words of these people and what not. I concluded, this is also an welcoming experience and taking out the rheumy part out of it I should make a point to learn something . And Till date what I learned is to keep my-ownself grounded in my principles and ethics and welcome all gossips with a smile then forget it in a moment without ever daring to concentrate on them. My husband terms those infectious so BEAWARE.

REASONS TO BE HAPPY AT 30s

While I was in my teens and 20s, I keenly observed the effort- my mother and aunties , gave for getting themselves ready for any occasion. Though that effort was nothing compared to the one we put in while we dress up for a get-together or so, but still I wondered why they were taking so much pain to choose an appropriate saari, a matching bindi or likewise accessories. All these thoughts scribbled in my mind because they were in their mid- 30s( for me then, pretty old) and I was teen queen. OOOO…I was soooo ..wrong, AHHH….ABSOLUTELY WRONG!!

Now when I have stepped in my 30s , I find a whole new world in front of me, smiling and gratifying. So much to explore. So I took the pain to jot down the reasons of “Why 30s are better than 20s”

1. 30s gifted me patience:
Impatience, Anxiousness are two components which dominates teens and 20s. This was the phase when appearance of two pimples simultaneously was enough to crack up my head. But in my 30s I find it much easier to let go of things and try to keep myself cool and composite in most difficult time. It is the maturity level which has taken the shape of a full grown lady and thus let me experience the beauty of it. I learned to accept the fact that everything is pre-destined and there is absolutely no reason to indulge in any abstract, distorted facts which worries you.

2. Better understanding of my demands:
Believe me, I spent 30 long years to understand my own requirements, what do I want, what is my limitations? I know its pretty long time but better late than never. Be it on any relationship’s demand or my personal demand I can speak my mind now. Many a times I spent sleepless nights about thinking how to put forward my views in a pleasing way so that it doesn’t hurt anybody. But now I conclude I cannot , as a human being please each and everybody, every time. I definitely adjust compromise frequently but not EVERYTIME. Moreover after my baby I was very confused of my identity, ‘what am I doing ’ , this thought disturbed me a lot. Whenever I saw my colleagues , friends and loved ones balancing their family and career simultaneously, a sense of incompetence haunted me. Then I analyzed logically that what I want, is it career or self identity, I concluded with the latter one. Self –Identity .And the best way to achieve the same is through education. Thus I pursued back studies, this time with no mental pressure of achieving something, now study is more a relaxation than a duty.

3. Accpeting own self:

Unlike 20s when I often tried to improvise on my looks and talks, I am now smart enough on my looks and talks. I accept the fact very happily that I am not perfect and no one of us is perfect but obviously we can walk towards it. In my 30s I am more honest and open to healthy self –depreciation.

4. Now- more structured and organized.

The years I came across made me more strong and confident inside. Certain bad news, shocks or unforeseen events do not shatter me down easily. I have seen the worst thus ready to face the bad. That doesn’t mean it’s very welcoming but what I want to say is a bad blow of fate cannot disorganize me , I can again stand firm and re-build them.

There are many reasons to be a proud 30 lady, I welcome d 30 whole heartedly. It has made me a more matured , confident and organized woman. I celebrate womanhood everyday and I celebrate for each one of you who has turned 30 and steadily juggling between varied relationships maintaining their won IDENTITY. So “JAI HO 30s”.

From the Lap of Mother...

My son is 3 years , 3 months now and this is the first time in his three summers that he has leaped out from the cozy-cuddly lap of mine into the greater , outer world.. This is surely not very welcoming for him---I understand. And I too rationalize my thought by thinking, through tears He would learn to smile.
The very first day in his school was 22nd April’09, Wednesday, he prepared himself with lots of enthuse and potential to go to school. But….but….the moment he landed in front of the school gate, ooooo…….the sight of so many people, the gathering, noise and most importantly the reaction(tears) of other children made him paranoid and insecure. I remember the moment when he is being taken from me from the other side of the rope , I must admit it was very painful, witnessing my son crying ‘ma’, ‘ma’ and you’re not even allowed to stand and console little bit. When, after one and a half hour I went to pick him up from the line I saw him still crying and drenched in sweat and tears. Believe me my heart ached, ached to feel his pain but I didn’t expose myself in front of anyone other than my blog. As I know this me, my blog is me, and I feel no shame in sharing my feelings here. I felt myself the most cruel mother on earth and kept on comforting my little one. After diong my best to make him feel good , I started him preparing for the next day. This is life, you see. It is a never ending process where we have to go on and on and the show never ends.
But whatsoever I do , I say today’s weather forecast is ., still the sky is very cloudy and tear drops are continuing. GOD HELP ME PLEASE!!

Matritter Tane !!

Hothat Dekhi Chokh Khule, Natun Bhor Geche Khule,
Natun Sakal, Natun Jagat Samne Ache Daraye,
Sato, Sato Rakto Kana Chutche Mor Siraye Siraye,
Janan Dicche Upasthiti Chottto Duti Hat Baraye.

Asar Tar Boddo Tara, Jaye na Chona, Jaye Na Dhora,
Anubhab kori Bataser Moto, 'Moments' Gulo Jacche Druto,
Barche She, Egocchi Aami, Lokkho Kore Sthir,
Jeno Ek Chotto Nouko Egocche Samudra Tir.

Booke niye Anek Asha, Biliye Dite Bhalobasha,
Asche Chotto Pa Fele, Dakbe Amaye MA Bole,
Anek Path Holo Chala, Sab Katha Jabe Na bola.

Meye Theke Stri, Tarpor Bouma-
Ebar Matritter Tane Sara Dilam,
Natun Dayitto Tule Nilam,
Nijer Astitto Diye Dharaye,
Dharitri Chere Jabo Haraye.