Today while on a conversation with one of my dear friend- I informed her that I just came back from a trip to Digha with my in-laws and my own family members. She was utmost surprised to know that I patched up both the families together and get them go with me for the tour. She asked how did I manage two different families together with various mentalities and varying demands. After the telephonic conversation was over I went little deep into the fact of balancing. I wondered a bit. Really, how did I manage to balance so many relationships for 5 years now, and that too being a single child?
Well, Then I said to myself that it was not a very tough job, rather it is a very symbiotic arrangement. It is very important to have a string of respect within every relationship and that very feeling gets reciprocated in the same manner. And I follow this rule very strongly. Moreover I never forget that my mother in-law is the MOTHER of the family, it’s not that I want to get dominated or so but giving the motherly space let her have faith on me. I am married for 5 years now and for the first 2 years I accepted each and every rule of the family happily, then when a bond of trust and faith grew between my in-laws and me I tried to modify some rules and facts to my benefit. Obviously without hurting anybodies sentiment and respecting the family values.
The cohesiveness even grows firm if one can stay cool in most unwanted situation. Accept, that you won’t get appreciated for every effort, this sounds very easy but I found it very difficult when after preparing a good recipe, with full energy and hard work I recognized that people for whom I gave away my time and energy did not like it. This is just one example. I learned from my husband to expect less or no. He taught me to do my duty without any expectation and though it was difficult in the beginning but with time I too believed that expecting less brings lots of happiness. Hence I learned to handle tricky situations involving delicate relationships. I learned to digest along with my dinner those little disturbing facts of the day , which if remembered, will cause indigestion.
Often misunderstandings are prevented by having a face to face talk, and I found it quite beneficial. Though we women do not leave the opportunity to talk about our in-law’s fault to our dear husbands and I too was not an exception but I noticed this only helps to enrich the ridge between us. On the other hand it is very comforting when I faced those situation myself, instead of pouring my grievances in a pair of deaf ears.
Blowing my own trumpet only, would be an injustice on other’s part and I would definitely like to mention here the support I received from my in-laws. In spite of being a very rigid and conservative family they always allowed me to do whatever I feel like. My in-laws were never been a hindrance in my growth in any sphere, they never interfere in my way of dealing life though I too respected the family values. So you see ,as I mentioned before it is a symbiotic arrangement.
And last but not the least I always believe having a meal together keeps a family together. I found it very effective, we too share our joys, sorrows, personal grudges in the dining arena. That dining space holds a special significance in my life with which I associate the growth and the well-being of the family.
All these and more made me conclude that MARRIAGE IS AN INSTITUTION INITSELF. Here nobody is your teacher, it is the relationships you are in that drive you to deal with different situations.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
A Veg Delight!!
I always crack up my head when it comes to Thursday and Saturday cooking menu. Why? Because those are the two days when my family members do not eat non-veg.. Non-veg items on Thursdays and Saturdays are strict no no in our family. And I think you will agree with me that giving variety veg items is a tough job.So I went through some cooking books and modified a bit and prepared SHAHI DAL , well its liked and appreciated whole heartedly by all. So here it is :
Ingredients : 1. Cholar Dal- 1 cup(Chana)
2. Moog Dal- ½ cup
3. Turmeric Powder-1/2 tea sp.
4.Red-Chilli Powder- ½ tea Sp.
5.Salt and sugar according to the taste.
6. Raisins – ½ cup
7.Pure Ghee/ Buter- 3 Tea sp.
8. White Oil- according to the requirement.
9. Paneer – 100 Gm.
10.Chopped Coriander – 2 tea sp.
11. Ginger Paste – 1 tea sp.
12.Chopped Green Chilli- ½ Tea Sp.
13.Roasted Cumin Powder-1/2 tea sp.
14.Powder of Cinnamon and Cardamom(Garam Masala)
15.Chopped Tomatoes – ½ cup
Recipe : Cut the Paneer into small pieces and fry them in white oil until it turns brown. Then add Cinnamon and Cardamom(not powder) in oil followed by chopped tomatoes ginger paste, turmeric powder salt, sugar, red chilli powder . Fry it for some time then add the fried paneer and boiled Cholar dal and Moog Dal , add some water in it. Let it cook for some time then add the green chilli, ghee/butter, raisins . Put the flame off and add chopped coriander, roasted cumin powder and Powder of Cinnamon and Cardamom.
Your SHAHI DAL is ready to serve.
Eat it with Paratha or Luchi.
Ingredients : 1. Cholar Dal- 1 cup(Chana)
2. Moog Dal- ½ cup
3. Turmeric Powder-1/2 tea sp.
4.Red-Chilli Powder- ½ tea Sp.
5.Salt and sugar according to the taste.
6. Raisins – ½ cup
7.Pure Ghee/ Buter- 3 Tea sp.
8. White Oil- according to the requirement.
9. Paneer – 100 Gm.
10.Chopped Coriander – 2 tea sp.
11. Ginger Paste – 1 tea sp.
12.Chopped Green Chilli- ½ Tea Sp.
13.Roasted Cumin Powder-1/2 tea sp.
14.Powder of Cinnamon and Cardamom(Garam Masala)
15.Chopped Tomatoes – ½ cup
Recipe : Cut the Paneer into small pieces and fry them in white oil until it turns brown. Then add Cinnamon and Cardamom(not powder) in oil followed by chopped tomatoes ginger paste, turmeric powder salt, sugar, red chilli powder . Fry it for some time then add the fried paneer and boiled Cholar dal and Moog Dal , add some water in it. Let it cook for some time then add the green chilli, ghee/butter, raisins . Put the flame off and add chopped coriander, roasted cumin powder and Powder of Cinnamon and Cardamom.
Your SHAHI DAL is ready to serve.
Eat it with Paratha or Luchi.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
DON'T MIND!
Today morning while on a conversation with my Husband I said “ Don’t Mind” followed by an unpleasant statement . He didn’t say a word but left the place. I too didn’t elongate the matter and quietly slipped into my kitchen, the place where I often get me-time and do lots of permutation-combination.
While cleaning up my kitchen , I kept on asking myself , why did I say “Don’t mind” when I knew my later expressions would not be very pleasing to him. I will tell you what; I was rude and harsh. Actually I recognized that to make the statement more intensified I used “ Don’t mind”, so that before listening to my ultimate notes he sits straight and get conscious .
I said, kitchen is a place for me where I do lots of permutation-combination exercises. I tried to visualize the fact in a more elaborate canvas You see the expression “ Darkness Visible”(from Milton’s Paradise Lost) is a figure of speech where opposites “darkness” and “visibility” are brought together for a greater effect. Similarly the word “ Don’t mind” followed by a non-welcoming statement pricks like a shrill , sharp thorn in the heart of the listener. I really fail to understand what self –satisfaction I/we achieve by tickling other’s sentiment but often I/we do so. And it is nothing but the sick part of our mind which allows us to react like this. After analyzing all the fact , I felt very sad from within, sad to think that I too am the part of this stale game. I too could not glorify myself by making myself free from this word “Don’t Mind” followed by an irritating statement.
I do not say this is the obvious use of the word , we can make it use in a better way also .Must there be conflict between truly better self and own self , thus I/we need to improvise our own self and try to be a better person.
So before using the word “Don’t Mind”, think twice…….hey..don’t mind for the advise..ha..ha..
While cleaning up my kitchen , I kept on asking myself , why did I say “Don’t mind” when I knew my later expressions would not be very pleasing to him. I will tell you what; I was rude and harsh. Actually I recognized that to make the statement more intensified I used “ Don’t mind”, so that before listening to my ultimate notes he sits straight and get conscious .
I said, kitchen is a place for me where I do lots of permutation-combination exercises. I tried to visualize the fact in a more elaborate canvas You see the expression “ Darkness Visible”(from Milton’s Paradise Lost) is a figure of speech where opposites “darkness” and “visibility” are brought together for a greater effect. Similarly the word “ Don’t mind” followed by a non-welcoming statement pricks like a shrill , sharp thorn in the heart of the listener. I really fail to understand what self –satisfaction I/we achieve by tickling other’s sentiment but often I/we do so. And it is nothing but the sick part of our mind which allows us to react like this. After analyzing all the fact , I felt very sad from within, sad to think that I too am the part of this stale game. I too could not glorify myself by making myself free from this word “Don’t Mind” followed by an irritating statement.
I do not say this is the obvious use of the word , we can make it use in a better way also .Must there be conflict between truly better self and own self , thus I/we need to improvise our own self and try to be a better person.
So before using the word “Don’t Mind”, think twice…….hey..don’t mind for the advise..ha..ha..
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