A JOURNEY BACK TO CHILDHOOD

I want to go back to the time when, “ Getting High” meant “On a Swing”, when “Drinking “ meant “ Juice” , when “ Dad “ was the only “Hero” , When “ Love” was “Mum’s Hug” , when “ Dad’s Shoulder” was the “ Highest Place on Earth”, when your “Worst enemies” were your “ Siblings” , when the only “ Broken” were your” Toys” and when “ Goodbye” only meant “till tomorrow”. I read this note somewhere and it really touched my nerves and inner soul, so much that I took an analytical journey of myself. It is sometime very important for me to just talk to myself , it gives me a better understanding of myself .

When “Getting High “ meant “ On a swing” ----Oh! Happy Days why did you hide “yourself” so to only make us run behind money, status, assets and what not. I do not say these are not important in life , Yes it is but it ceases from us the ability to get happy at little things happening around us. Getting High have no limits , we race against ourselves so to attain a comfortable life . Oops! Did I say COMFORTABLE? Do I really mean it? My Husband gets up at eight O Clock in the morning and after that he could not manage a penny time to sit and relax until he goes for bed late night. This is because he is involved with Service, Bussiness ,Share , etc. ----all these for a comfortable life. “COMFORTABLE ?”

Life itself has set some goals for us and we run to attain the same, the day we achieve the same, some new target get set for us. This is Life for us. I really miss the life when Dad was my only Hero. Though Dad is still my Hero and I am proud to have a Father like Him beside me , who, in every critical stages of life ushered his warmth on me and comforted me in every way. But I miss him when I get jolted down by the hard punches of life – I miss my hero , I miss those hands who used to hold my hand firmly at the time of crisis and supported me. Now at the time of difficulties what I do to compensate his absence is just close my eyes and think what we could have advised me if he would have been with me.

Life is an ongoing process and we are just puppets tied with an invisible string , when Mum’s Hug was the only source of love and warmth for us – that was the time when love was a simple sum of 2 + 2 = 4 and now I find it a complex mathematical equation. But though maths , if worked out correctly have an happy ending i.e. it gets solved out but love have no simple solution. Love contains in itself so many relations, so many expectations and demands and it is next to impossible to meet up all those every time and when you fail------LOVE is at “?” Once rising high for me was mounting up on the shoulder of my father and have a glance of the down ward world. It was a time of triumph and joy and made my heart leap with delight. . Though rising high never meant achieving materialistic comforts but also it is not so simple as then , I never wanted to be an empire builder but in a way always satisfied as a self reliant , honest individual . It makes me happy to think that I am blessed with the ability to make my family members happy, I am satisfied to attain that height where I could take the responsibility of my husband, son and my in-laws. Height for me was never to see my pockets full of money but to maintain my own life in a peaceful manner which revolves around my family members, my education, my travelling mania and maintaining healthy – steady relationships with some very good friends.

I really wonder at the word “ Goodbye” – when goodbye was till tomorrow then also it was so painful. Painful , when I had first crush in my school days , painful when I first fell in love, painful when finally understood what is love and found the same ---everytime “ goodbye” made me impatient and anxious to see the next day sun. But now at my 30s GOODBYE have a broader meaning, now goodbye means my hero will never meet me again other than in dreams , now goodbye means patient waiting of soulful showering of tears within my eyes to see my father for once. Goodbye now is for ever.

CHILDHOOD is a gift of ALMIGHTY to us, full of splendour, benevolence, adventures and curious turns and curves which prepares us day by day to face a new phase of life in future. I cherish those left out moments and say to myself OH! GOD make my wish true, let me once more travel back in time.

A 'BOND'

It Started long back- around 28 years back or so, two unknown personality met with each other in a room full of unknown faces . But somehow they chose each other as good companion and the journey started . Both of us were poles apart in every respect, looks, attitude, behavioural pattern, perception towards life , etc. but still a bond tied us together. We became the BEST FRIENDS. Me and Gopa . The whole class, the school , everybody used to know us by our friendship.
Today when she along with her daughter came to visit my family - I felt so complete and contended as both of us travelled a long journey, sometime together , sometime distant , but always reached each other in times of crisis and today both of us are happy and settled with our own family.We talked a lot and cherished very special moments and laughed at all our silly workouts . While we were busy sharing our part of the PIE mistu and bebo were busy playing with each other. This sight is very pleasing. Because of that very special bond between us which ties these two little child together.
Again, I felt very proud and grateful to Almighty when I came to know from one of my close friend, LOpa , that today also she remembers me whenever she hear the song " aap ki najron ne samjha pyar ke kabil mukjhe"- a very old hindi song. It's because I used to sing this song very frequently in my school days and she treasure the memory so lovingly. So you see, here also that very bond works. This bond of freindship is very precious and I feel very, very happy inside to know that I have people around me who cares to share this relation.

It's very strange , sometime you mix with people for years and still the cohesion does not grow and sometime you meet the person only very few times and you feel the concreteness. Same I felt when few days back I talked to Sanhita, wife of one of my school friend, Satrajit. I met her very few times ,when all of us were in school, though Sanhita was in different school but still both of us share a very special relation which time could not make fade today also.

This bond of friendship is very peace-giving and it makes you feel enriched and wealthy. Yes WEALTHY. In my recent trip to Kalimpomg , We met with the side effects of AYELA and this was propaganed by media . As a result lots of relatives called me to know my whereabouts and I am really thankful to them. But to my utmost surprise , when I was busy enjoying the beauty of the Golf Course in Kalimpong Ranar(once my colleague) called me up to know whether we were safe or not. I was very happy to realise his deep caring attitude towards my family.

This bond, I say, is just like icing on the delicious recipe called life. God has gifted us with this ingredient called friendship to garnish our life. Friendship is such a relation which shower happyness, intimacy and peace in situations where we are left with tears.And we must be thankful to Almighty God for such a beautiful creation.

Kalimpong- Abode of Clouds

After a very tiring journey in night service, so called ROCKET bus we reached Siliguri 6 hrs. late than the scheduled time. Well, thats a welcoming surprise , isn't it?From there we rolled on in a bolero and moved towards Kalimpong , at my utmost surprise I found my Handycam is not functioning and thus geared down my excitement of taking some beautiful movie of the sizzling TISTA.

The first sign of the green, lustful yet calm Mountains around did burst a feel good factor in me. Mountains- Rivers and the cohesive beauty always give me immense pleasure and happiness inside. We reached kalimpong exactly after 3 hrs of starting the journey. And in Kalimpong we are welcomed by an Travel agent , Sanjay Sundar ( a friend of my Husband's Colleage) and the hotel owner better known as Kaku. We reached his hotel , STAR LODGE and all our tiredness extricated out viewing the beauty of Kalimpong from the varandah of our rooms. BEAUTIFUL HOTEL, GOOD DECORATION, WELL MAINTAINED AND EXTRAVAGANT PANORAMIC VIEW OF KALIMPONG FROM THE HOTEL. It was all beyond expectation in a tour like this which was just planned 3 days back of the date of journey.
What mesmerised me the most is the hide and seek of the clouds with the mountains and the sorrounding arena.One can spent endless time watching these clusters of clouds playing with the green vast mountain region.Fortunately I have visited most of the Hill stations in India and some most rural hill villages but never seen such playful couds. Really it seem that someone very mystically and craftfully placed all these clouds in every nook and corner of the mountains. And it gave a tintillating effect when it rushes towards you to give a warm-cold welcome.
We did all the site scenes of Kalimpong and its worth watching , the most beautiful among them , what I felt is the Golf Course. WOW!! green can be so ravishing and sophiticated is well understood while I had the glance of this Golf Course. The beauty totally engrossed all of us and mistu kept on hopping and running throughout. We decided to visit it for 2nd time in this tour as it was not very far from our hotel and we did so later. Delo is also very beautiful and rich in its beauty.

The following day we headed towards Lava , and that very day aeyela occured in Kolkata , the effect of which we faced while we were in lava. On the way to Lava we went to see Lolegaon, famous for the forest zone. I had a different experience of mountains this time, firstly it was raining haevily and thus the sky was gloomy then it was deep forest with huge trees all around, I have never seen such huge, gigantic ferns before, thus it was a move towards dark and darker gradually. The canopy walk in lolegaon was though very risky in rain but we enjoyed the adventure. When we reached Lava it was almost 3 p.m and was raining fiercely , thus the wet- damp weather was not very pleasing . Our stay in Lava was very dull as we do not like the natives, their behaviour and overall the weather depressed us the most. Thus we decided to leave Lava and move for Kalimpong the next day. It was a dangerous day with wind howling , and cold haunting us like anything to make the situation worst it was raining cats and dogs.Anyway we prayed to God and started our journey , but it was interrupted time and again due to the storm outside and many atime my hubby dear and the driver went out of the cab and moved all the tree brances to make the way. It was very scaring .

Anyway we reached Kalimpong safely after a frightful journey of 2 1/2 hrs. and again went back to Kaku's hotel. We missed all these days this good warm hotel and the cooked food , Kaku use to cook himself. Well known atmosphere , good arrangement put all of us in ease again.And the remaining days went fine and peacefull only disturbance was due to heavy storm and rain the electric supply was disrupted as a whole and we thus enjoyed candle light dinner as a result.

Well, thats it..that was my trip to the abode of clouds and it was very refreshing and rejuvenating. Daily life calling readers....so bye for now see you later.

Life Under The Tree

Well, though the title of the story signifies something very glossy and green, but in real it's not so. Life under the tree is my present address(temporary). No...NO...don't get jerked down, don't feel jolted....what I mean to say is, underneath the tree is my shelter from 9.00 am to 10: 30 am.( which will linger to 11.15 a.m later). Didn't understood still? Oh my good readers nowadays I go along with my son in school in a pool car and pass my idle time under the tree in road-side. Must be wondering about my life-style. Please don't this is the story of most of the mothers in big-shot, hi-fi schools , irrespective of classes , who doesn't have any other option other than to spent time in roadside , convenient location, till the class gets terminated.
Often while I chat and talk with other mothers, I question myself that what am I doing? I know I am not the only one in the cluster but still the thought haunts me. I could have stay at home and finished one more chapter of my English Text Book but no I have spent the hard earned time under the tree chatting with my fellow mates. The people with whom I am acquainted with the similar minded but I witness lots of people, weared attittudes, luxury of words of these people and what not. I concluded, this is also an welcoming experience and taking out the rheumy part out of it I should make a point to learn something . And Till date what I learned is to keep my-ownself grounded in my principles and ethics and welcome all gossips with a smile then forget it in a moment without ever daring to concentrate on them. My husband terms those infectious so BEAWARE.

REASONS TO BE HAPPY AT 30s

While I was in my teens and 20s, I keenly observed the effort- my mother and aunties , gave for getting themselves ready for any occasion. Though that effort was nothing compared to the one we put in while we dress up for a get-together or so, but still I wondered why they were taking so much pain to choose an appropriate saari, a matching bindi or likewise accessories. All these thoughts scribbled in my mind because they were in their mid- 30s( for me then, pretty old) and I was teen queen. OOOO…I was soooo ..wrong, AHHH….ABSOLUTELY WRONG!!

Now when I have stepped in my 30s , I find a whole new world in front of me, smiling and gratifying. So much to explore. So I took the pain to jot down the reasons of “Why 30s are better than 20s”

1. 30s gifted me patience:
Impatience, Anxiousness are two components which dominates teens and 20s. This was the phase when appearance of two pimples simultaneously was enough to crack up my head. But in my 30s I find it much easier to let go of things and try to keep myself cool and composite in most difficult time. It is the maturity level which has taken the shape of a full grown lady and thus let me experience the beauty of it. I learned to accept the fact that everything is pre-destined and there is absolutely no reason to indulge in any abstract, distorted facts which worries you.

2. Better understanding of my demands:
Believe me, I spent 30 long years to understand my own requirements, what do I want, what is my limitations? I know its pretty long time but better late than never. Be it on any relationship’s demand or my personal demand I can speak my mind now. Many a times I spent sleepless nights about thinking how to put forward my views in a pleasing way so that it doesn’t hurt anybody. But now I conclude I cannot , as a human being please each and everybody, every time. I definitely adjust compromise frequently but not EVERYTIME. Moreover after my baby I was very confused of my identity, ‘what am I doing ’ , this thought disturbed me a lot. Whenever I saw my colleagues , friends and loved ones balancing their family and career simultaneously, a sense of incompetence haunted me. Then I analyzed logically that what I want, is it career or self identity, I concluded with the latter one. Self –Identity .And the best way to achieve the same is through education. Thus I pursued back studies, this time with no mental pressure of achieving something, now study is more a relaxation than a duty.

3. Accpeting own self:

Unlike 20s when I often tried to improvise on my looks and talks, I am now smart enough on my looks and talks. I accept the fact very happily that I am not perfect and no one of us is perfect but obviously we can walk towards it. In my 30s I am more honest and open to healthy self –depreciation.

4. Now- more structured and organized.

The years I came across made me more strong and confident inside. Certain bad news, shocks or unforeseen events do not shatter me down easily. I have seen the worst thus ready to face the bad. That doesn’t mean it’s very welcoming but what I want to say is a bad blow of fate cannot disorganize me , I can again stand firm and re-build them.

There are many reasons to be a proud 30 lady, I welcome d 30 whole heartedly. It has made me a more matured , confident and organized woman. I celebrate womanhood everyday and I celebrate for each one of you who has turned 30 and steadily juggling between varied relationships maintaining their won IDENTITY. So “JAI HO 30s”.

From the Lap of Mother...

My son is 3 years , 3 months now and this is the first time in his three summers that he has leaped out from the cozy-cuddly lap of mine into the greater , outer world.. This is surely not very welcoming for him---I understand. And I too rationalize my thought by thinking, through tears He would learn to smile.
The very first day in his school was 22nd April’09, Wednesday, he prepared himself with lots of enthuse and potential to go to school. But….but….the moment he landed in front of the school gate, ooooo…….the sight of so many people, the gathering, noise and most importantly the reaction(tears) of other children made him paranoid and insecure. I remember the moment when he is being taken from me from the other side of the rope , I must admit it was very painful, witnessing my son crying ‘ma’, ‘ma’ and you’re not even allowed to stand and console little bit. When, after one and a half hour I went to pick him up from the line I saw him still crying and drenched in sweat and tears. Believe me my heart ached, ached to feel his pain but I didn’t expose myself in front of anyone other than my blog. As I know this me, my blog is me, and I feel no shame in sharing my feelings here. I felt myself the most cruel mother on earth and kept on comforting my little one. After diong my best to make him feel good , I started him preparing for the next day. This is life, you see. It is a never ending process where we have to go on and on and the show never ends.
But whatsoever I do , I say today’s weather forecast is ., still the sky is very cloudy and tear drops are continuing. GOD HELP ME PLEASE!!

Matritter Tane !!

Hothat Dekhi Chokh Khule, Natun Bhor Geche Khule,
Natun Sakal, Natun Jagat Samne Ache Daraye,
Sato, Sato Rakto Kana Chutche Mor Siraye Siraye,
Janan Dicche Upasthiti Chottto Duti Hat Baraye.

Asar Tar Boddo Tara, Jaye na Chona, Jaye Na Dhora,
Anubhab kori Bataser Moto, 'Moments' Gulo Jacche Druto,
Barche She, Egocchi Aami, Lokkho Kore Sthir,
Jeno Ek Chotto Nouko Egocche Samudra Tir.

Booke niye Anek Asha, Biliye Dite Bhalobasha,
Asche Chotto Pa Fele, Dakbe Amaye MA Bole,
Anek Path Holo Chala, Sab Katha Jabe Na bola.

Meye Theke Stri, Tarpor Bouma-
Ebar Matritter Tane Sara Dilam,
Natun Dayitto Tule Nilam,
Nijer Astitto Diye Dharaye,
Dharitri Chere Jabo Haraye.

To, Dadabhai, With Love.

Suru korilam Banerjee Barir Fordo , Niye Tarr Naam
Dr.G.Banerjee Naam Tar, Kadamtalye Dhaam,
Panch Putro , char kannya niye bhora sansar
Matir manush chilo amader Dadabhai- dactar;

Santo- gambhir roop jar , Shei—E Debdas
Prothom putro Dactar babur, Reserve Baromas!!

Ditio putro Dijodas , nirbikar akar,
Thake sakoler moddhe satantro niye misti gofe-r bhar..

Ebare holo Monu-r pala, Biprodas naam,
Akare choto holeo, Hunkar durbaaar.

Shyama jar Gayer rang , naam-o O tar Shyama,
Baro bhalo manus chilo sabai-er ta jana..

Ebar sabche choto-r pala,
Du-char kathaye take jabe na bola,
Choto chele Dactar babu-r , akarshan durbar,
Boro-Boudi-r boddo prio , chotto ei Debar.

Char Kannya-r prothom Gita, Mejo holo Maya,
Dipti- Tripti mile ekakar hoye EK deho-chaya.

Boro bouma dactar babu-r, madhurjomayee aar data,
Kum-Kum naam tar- dui kannay-r mata,

Kum, holo mejo bouma, chip chipe garon,
Hashi-thatta , halka mejaj katha bolen darun

Ardhangini , Tumi jaar, naam tar biprodas,
Sahansilota aar Sajjo sakti tomate kore abas.

Choto bouma misti bhari naam tar rita,
Sundor manus tini, bhari parimeeta.

Nati—natnir katha bhebe sahas hoye na egote ,
Kabita amar phuriye jabe parichoye tahader dite,
18 jon Nati-Natni, kam katha noye,
Tai boli dactar babu khama koro amaye,
Tabe moder kache tumi aj-o prio DADABHAI,
Pran bhore amra sabai pronam tomake janai.

MARRIAGE- An Institution

Today while on a conversation with one of my dear friend- I informed her that I just came back from a trip to Digha with my in-laws and my own family members. She was utmost surprised to know that I patched up both the families together and get them go with me for the tour. She asked how did I manage two different families together with various mentalities and varying demands. After the telephonic conversation was over I went little deep into the fact of balancing. I wondered a bit. Really, how did I manage to balance so many relationships for 5 years now, and that too being a single child?
Well, Then I said to myself that it was not a very tough job, rather it is a very symbiotic arrangement. It is very important to have a string of respect within every relationship and that very feeling gets reciprocated in the same manner. And I follow this rule very strongly. Moreover I never forget that my mother in-law is the MOTHER of the family, it’s not that I want to get dominated or so but giving the motherly space let her have faith on me. I am married for 5 years now and for the first 2 years I accepted each and every rule of the family happily, then when a bond of trust and faith grew between my in-laws and me I tried to modify some rules and facts to my benefit. Obviously without hurting anybodies sentiment and respecting the family values.
The cohesiveness even grows firm if one can stay cool in most unwanted situation. Accept, that you won’t get appreciated for every effort, this sounds very easy but I found it very difficult when after preparing a good recipe, with full energy and hard work I recognized that people for whom I gave away my time and energy did not like it. This is just one example. I learned from my husband to expect less or no. He taught me to do my duty without any expectation and though it was difficult in the beginning but with time I too believed that expecting less brings lots of happiness. Hence I learned to handle tricky situations involving delicate relationships. I learned to digest along with my dinner those little disturbing facts of the day , which if remembered, will cause indigestion.
Often misunderstandings are prevented by having a face to face talk, and I found it quite beneficial. Though we women do not leave the opportunity to talk about our in-law’s fault to our dear husbands and I too was not an exception but I noticed this only helps to enrich the ridge between us. On the other hand it is very comforting when I faced those situation myself, instead of pouring my grievances in a pair of deaf ears.
Blowing my own trumpet only, would be an injustice on other’s part and I would definitely like to mention here the support I received from my in-laws. In spite of being a very rigid and conservative family they always allowed me to do whatever I feel like. My in-laws were never been a hindrance in my growth in any sphere, they never interfere in my way of dealing life though I too respected the family values. So you see ,as I mentioned before it is a symbiotic arrangement.
And last but not the least I always believe having a meal together keeps a family together. I found it very effective, we too share our joys, sorrows, personal grudges in the dining arena. That dining space holds a special significance in my life with which I associate the growth and the well-being of the family.
All these and more made me conclude that MARRIAGE IS AN INSTITUTION INITSELF. Here nobody is your teacher, it is the relationships you are in that drive you to deal with different situations.

A Veg Delight!!

I always crack up my head when it comes to Thursday and Saturday cooking menu. Why? Because those are the two days when my family members do not eat non-veg.. Non-veg items on Thursdays and Saturdays are strict no no in our family. And I think you will agree with me that giving variety veg items is a tough job.So I went through some cooking books and modified a bit and prepared SHAHI DAL , well its liked and appreciated whole heartedly by all. So here it is :

Ingredients : 1. Cholar Dal- 1 cup(Chana)
2. Moog Dal- ½ cup
3. Turmeric Powder-1/2 tea sp.
4.Red-Chilli Powder- ½ tea Sp.
5.Salt and sugar according to the taste.
6. Raisins – ½ cup
7.Pure Ghee/ Buter- 3 Tea sp.
8. White Oil- according to the requirement.
9. Paneer – 100 Gm.
10.Chopped Coriander – 2 tea sp.
11. Ginger Paste – 1 tea sp.
12.Chopped Green Chilli- ½ Tea Sp.
13.Roasted Cumin Powder-1/2 tea sp.
14.Powder of Cinnamon and Cardamom(Garam Masala)
15.Chopped Tomatoes – ½ cup

Recipe : Cut the Paneer into small pieces and fry them in white oil until it turns brown. Then add Cinnamon and Cardamom(not powder) in oil followed by chopped tomatoes ginger paste, turmeric powder salt, sugar, red chilli powder . Fry it for some time then add the fried paneer and boiled Cholar dal and Moog Dal , add some water in it. Let it cook for some time then add the green chilli, ghee/butter, raisins . Put the flame off and add chopped coriander, roasted cumin powder and Powder of Cinnamon and Cardamom.
Your SHAHI DAL is ready to serve.
Eat it with Paratha or Luchi.

DON'T MIND!

Today morning while on a conversation with my Husband I said “ Don’t Mind” followed by an unpleasant statement . He didn’t say a word but left the place. I too didn’t elongate the matter and quietly slipped into my kitchen, the place where I often get me-time and do lots of permutation-combination.

While cleaning up my kitchen , I kept on asking myself , why did I say “Don’t mind” when I knew my later expressions would not be very pleasing to him. I will tell you what; I was rude and harsh. Actually I recognized that to make the statement more intensified I used “ Don’t mind”, so that before listening to my ultimate notes he sits straight and get conscious .

I said, kitchen is a place for me where I do lots of permutation-combination exercises. I tried to visualize the fact in a more elaborate canvas You see the expression “ Darkness Visible”(from Milton’s Paradise Lost) is a figure of speech where opposites “darkness” and “visibility” are brought together for a greater effect. Similarly the word “ Don’t mind” followed by a non-welcoming statement pricks like a shrill , sharp thorn in the heart of the listener. I really fail to understand what self –satisfaction I/we achieve by tickling other’s sentiment but often I/we do so. And it is nothing but the sick part of our mind which allows us to react like this. After analyzing all the fact , I felt very sad from within, sad to think that I too am the part of this stale game. I too could not glorify myself by making myself free from this word “Don’t Mind” followed by an irritating statement.

I do not say this is the obvious use of the word , we can make it use in a better way also .Must there be conflict between truly better self and own self , thus I/we need to improvise our own self and try to be a better person.

So before using the word “Don’t Mind”, think twice…….hey..don’t mind for the advise..ha..ha..

Learning Process

How often , I wondered were my carefully laid plans going to be shattered by the superior force of circumstances.Whether you call it fate or supreme power , that is the ultimate decision maker of our life . I do not say whatever we plan or decide is destined to shatter down but it often happens with all of us that it get fulfilled when you don't expect it to occur. Once I heard from a nobel lady that if a ripple of thought arises in our heart and mind then it will happen sooner or later be it good or bad, as it has its own timing to happen but we the little creature of the Almighty God become restless and thinks that our dream is painted white.
So, i concluded life is full of experiences, good and bad but when i came across some of the worst of it I also passed the golden ring of life as I kept on turning on the pages of the books written by some of the holy people of earth tob regain my inner strength . Those books made me feel, like gold is beaten in fire to make it pure thus my life is made to pass across bad pahase of it ,only to make it more strong and rich.And It gave me immense satisfaction to think that God gives these so-called bad days because He loves us, He actually want us to go through the rough & tough road only to make us pure . He want us to lean toward Him and know the truth of life.
The Holy mother says, whenever you are in trouble distress , just say to yourself " I have a mother". Just murmering this sentence "I have a mother to take care of everything" boost my innerself. Our mind is like a mad elephant , it rushes with the wind . and whenver I feel my mind stirred by undesirable thoughts and yet I want to calm myself , I pray to Him earnestly . He purifies the then disturbed mind and solve my doubts. It happens with me very often .
I stay in a joint family and thus has to adjust with minor discontenment frequently , though some times I see fault in others but then again a preaching of the Holy mother makes me feel ease with the situation. She says when our mind is stale then only we keep on fining faults with others and first result of this is our own mind gets polluted. When does anyone become happy with finding faults with others ? It only results is creating lots of unpleasant stories at the back of our mind.And thus to regain peace of mind I gave up fault -finding , surely I will not deny with the fact that this inbuild habit of human being keeps on peeping time and gain.
Learning from the preaching of holy people is an experience in itself and it is very sad enough to acknowledge that it often happen when we cross the tiring moments of life. This is a process in it-self. A learning process.

Back To THOSE DAYS!

Today, when i got up from sleep I was pretty sure that I will do some of my degree course study as I received some of the course material on Saturday and could not open a page of the same due to work pressure in home. In this context let me tell you that yesterday was a very busy day, my rina-pisi(the cook) didn't come and I have to be in the kitchen the whole morning and in the evening one fellow was suppose to come to see my sister in law for marriage purpose(who didn't turn up ultimately) so busy with that. Then came a bad news of a couple I know, I mean they were running through very bad phase of their life and me and my hubby dear had to run for a mutual.So the day ended like that.
Thus today when i woke up, in the back of my mind I was continuously calculating which book to o start with. By and by I saw clock running down but no trace of rina pisi. I understood today too I have to act in behalf of Rina-pisi. Hey, why act ? Because my father use to say this world is a "RangaMancha"(PLatform to act) and we all have to enact our own roles in a very nice way, then when our roles gets completed one Supreme Power will just pull the string out and oops you find yourself out of the play suddenly. Anyway I started my day as a KItchen queen (ha..ha ) and was a bit upset as I tought after giving a feed to mistu I will sit with my books.I completed with kitchen at about 9:30 am and then sat for my study.
Believe me I got immence satisfaction to travel to those days when I use to study regularly. It gave a nostalgic feeling all over. Inspite of mistu's intense disturbance and my mother's repeated question that how am I going to carry on my study this way. I completed the days work. And remember a small story at the back of my mind and smiled . "A viewer of a frog race constantly demoralised all the forgs and succeded in his mission but one frog slipped and won the race . Then this viewer asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal? It turned out....That the winner was DEAF!!!! " The wisdom is "ALWAYS be....POSITIVE! And above all:Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams! Always think: I can do this! "
I gave a pat on my back ....
the story continue stilll as you see my son woke up and is crying "ma-yer kache jabo"(this means I will go to my mom..)

Cherishable memory

Again 14th February is crawling near and love is on the air. The lovely season makes me remember on of those 14th feb which I like to remember and feel good. Though this day was never very over-rated (as it is now) in my days(I am not very old though) and I never paid any importance to this date/day but still it is special to me in its own way.

I am married to Subhas for 5 years now and still whenever I remember that very special day it gives me immense pleasure . Nothing very eventful happened that day but still that 14th feb is very close to my heart and I cherish it lovingly. Lets go back 8 years and turn on the pages.

I met Subhas for the first time in my way back to home from office, he was sitting beside me as a co-passenger(a stranger) in a Bus. We just shared a smile and a casual talk as our destination was same( I mean the Bus-stoppage- ha ha ). Years passed on and we never met each other in between, it’s very strange that though our bus-stoppage for taking the bus was same but we never seen each other within that span of time. Then one fine , sunny morning I saw this guy coming in the Bus-stand , we recognized each other and exchanged smiles. That’s it. Days passed on and I found this fellow was taking a little bit of extra interest on me but I never paid any heed to that. Now, I agree that I enjoyed that attention ( you know girl’s habit). Within a month came that 14th Feb, I suppose it was 2002 . I was on the way back to home from office and was in a hurry as it was already 9 p.m . When I reached Parkstreet Bus-stand I saw him standing there , I was surprise to see him there. When I asked him , why he was taking bus from parkstreet all of a sudden, he said he came for some work in Chatterjee-International(which was a lie!). Seeing me there he gave a full smile and asked me whether I had some special engagement/ appointments for that day. I didn’t understood why all of a sudden he asked me that question as I was too much a dumb to understand that he wanted to know whether or not I have any special person in my life.
Thereafter his interest on me grew strong and our friendship went tight. Similar tastes, wildly different attitudes. Good recipes for a roller coaster friendship. With time passing by I understood he was waiting for me that day from the evening to know the fact that I am engaged with somebody or not. This sour-sweet feeling I treasure till date and will keep on in the safe corner of my heart till I die.I n this very age of commercialization where cards, expensive gifts , smses and what not dominates the society his expenditure of time, his patient wait touched me that day a lot.

SUN,WAVES,FUN=DIGHA

This is the punch line of on of the Big Hotel in Digha, a well known tourist spot in West Bengal, gracefully guarded by Bay of Bengal . Why I am talking of Digha is because of my very recent visit to the place. An unexpected, unplanned visit, which makes it more special. The punch line goes well with the beauty of the place . Near to the city(Kolkata) but far from the hustle and bustle of the crowded life makes Digha a very special place for all those who wants to break away the monotony of life for a while. The serene beach , white surf and the glazing sun all makes Digha a wonderful tourist destination. Added to it are the beauty of thousands of small red crabs crawling around the beach of newly explored beaches, like Talseri, Mandarmoni makes it look like simmering field of red flower . The virgin beach is a chic and sophisticated treat to the eyes and the heart.

Mistu enjoyed thoroughly in Talseri as he kept on following those crabs to their hole. He was thrilled with the waves braking at his little feet making him feel so special. Again searching and collecting various shells in the sea –shore was an achievement in-itself. It gives me immense pleasure to pick those shells from the beach and carry the same back to my house, its like bagging a little of nature with me back home.. A little of Digha …..for instance.A bike ride in the vacant-calm beachanda brief conversation with the fishermen , trying hard for 3 consecutive days to pull back their fishing net from the sea was a great experience. An experience that’s meets both leisure and hard practical side of life. It complied me to thank the Almighty to be kind enough gift me a good package of life. Yes a PACKAGE. .

Well, this tour like many more will be safely kept in the locker of memory and will be nurtured time and again .It was a good time and I pray to GOD that this type of good times keep on happening.

WHO decides for us?

This question is a million dollar question for me, as in my life enormous instances occurred which always left me thinking “who decides for us?” Lets take some examples:

My wedding, first it has to occur in 17th February’ 2003 but it didn’t happen as my father passed away, then it is fixed on 7th June of the same year but it didn’t happen as my Father in-law expired. Anyway it happened after all, the next year.

This is not the end of the story, after mistu was gifted to me by God , a comma was put into our life just after 6 days when mistu was admitted to Nursing for severe Jaundice. Well In any case HE , the Almighty rescues us every time but ATLAST – alas!!
Then comes my job on compassionate ground in UCO bank, I faced interview as a unmarried woman when mistu was 2 months old( as that was the demand of the rule). My interview went very well and within a month the Bank authority had to decide my postings and all . Meanwhile the Finance Minister of the Country declared that no JOB will be given in for compassionate ground in the current economic status of the country. Again a blast of fate – YES the fate the ultimate decision maker??
2 months back me and Subhas went to see a car and gave advance for the same but for some unforeseen reason which popped up later we could not buy it. There are innumerous….
Lets come out of the periphery of my life and peep out from the window for a outside view….OOOH…I could see my Uncle-Aunty they came down from Pune to settle down here in Kolkata , they thought the possession of the flat would be given to them in September the last year, it didn’t happen. After a long , tiring wait they ultimately settled down in January-this year . So here too things didn’t run according to their expectations.
Again you see this very Uncle- and Aunty are suppose to go for a tour in Uttarakhand region of our Country and every minute details was worked out, train tickets, Hotel bookings evertything was done. But it didn’t happen, though the cause is very welcoming and we all are happy for it. My didi from Canada, their daughter, is coming down to visit us. But what I want to mark here is-our decision versus mystical power’s wish.
SO, WHO DECIDES FOR US?

SATYAM AND US(THE COMMONERS)

Satyam and the infamous Raju has been a household name these days as the retailers, the traders and the BOSSES – all are making their hands dirty (yes dirty is the correct word) in trading of the shares of this particular Company. The beginners are trying to gain a bit out of this obscure game, the traders , often called investors are not investors these days and more a retailer as they are not holding any share of this company for long time , which is unusual to their act . And then comes the BOSSES, these people are ruling the sector I suppose, as more and more companies are buying more and more percentage of the shares of this company and when they are doing so, the expectations of the commoners are going high and they to are eagerly buying the shares of this company , by and by when these BOSSES sees that there is maximum hike in the share value suddenly they are selling their percentage of share leaving the commoners at a stake.

You must be wondering why I am doing all these hullabaloo , because I am too a sufferer , not directly , but proportionately. My husband is in share and all these for more than 2 years now and at the beginning I too took interest to learn a bit of it .When I found the whole game though based on study but does not stick to any rule or any study I just took a back gear and did not enter into this any more. But because of my Husband’s interest into it I had to listen to so many things happening in the market and unwillingly watch many Television shows based on the economy of the country and the world. I will not deny that I have learned a lot from it and thanks to Subhas but never want to be a part of it. It’s very whimsical and I never support the loss of money my husband suffered in this business. But that never matters to him as he said I got to learn more and more of it and will come out as a winner, till that day I have to wait and observe. My husband too bought quite a good number of shares of Satyam and when he saw it’s coming down beyond his expectation , his pulse too went down with it and he forced himself to sell them. But still he is very much into the business and no matter what logic you put infront of him he is rigid in his decision that he will show how to gain out of it and evolve as a winner (winner for his ownself). GOD, Help please!!

Proud to be a reader of FEMINA

PROUD TO BE READER OF FEMINA

I was not-so-regular reader of Femina in the past and it is only 2 years now that I have grown a habit of going through every subscription of it . This book changed my perception towards life in many ways. To name one such is to carry on with my dream i.e to persue back my studies. After having a baby in my lap I sacrificed a well paid job and could not think beyond my family. But I always adore higher studies and wanted to have a degree in English, though I graduated in tourism and also completed diploma in Computer Science but it never gave me satisfaction for some unknown reason. Years rolled on and that dream of more and more education kept sedimenting deep down in some corner of my heart. Though my in-laws are a conservative, middle class Bengali family but they were never a hindrance in the way to achieve my goal but frankly speaking it is me who lacked that inner force which can drive me further . That very inner force was slowly induced in me by Femina. Only after I read Femina’s “Believe” and “Inner circle” sections I dared to accomplish my dream.. It is very well said in Femina’s article “Perspective” (, January 14, 2009)- “ If you want something, the universe conspires to give it to you …”. Many more articles published in Femina again and again helped me to slowly creep ahead towards my dream and start my study.

So here I am. Holding one hand of my 3 years old son and the other of my supporting husband I landed onto Netaji Subhas Open University Campus. I will study English Honours Degree Course which I always wanted to do .Formalities are completed , sitting tight to just ground myself in the Books.
Just saying “thanks” to Femina will not meet the periphery of my gratitude, I wish many more women like me blooms up with Femina like the way I did.

OOPS, PARKSTREET, at night

The glazing , Speedy Roads,
Beautifully litted up roads;
Roads which never sleeps-
Roads which hosts those red-lipped beauties.
Curvaceous body, bright dresses and a catchy look,
The usual sight of Parkstreet's night.
Night which carefully wraps around these girls identity,
Identity which losts someday in these lanes of Parkstreet.
Parkstreet , witness their past and present.
Present sees them in beautiful dresses,
Dresses that conceals their sorrows and feelings,
A deep look inside shows their tearing heart- a red bleeding heart,
Heart which get raped evernight,
Heart if nurtured with care, rekindles the flame of love.
Flame of love which ignites the holy spirit sleeeping inside.

"Birthday" for MISTU

It was a splendid day, this day is very special to me, it was this very day when a “chotu motu” Mistu, wrapped up in white cloth was handed over to me by the doctors and nurses. On this date that is 23rd January I became mother, and thus started the journey of being a mother.
Now this 23rd January Mistu stepped into 3 year and by now he little bit understands what is it all about. After he woke up in the morning his Amma , Pia wished him Happy Birthday and showered lots of gifts and kisses which he reciprocated very happily. He returned back a very satisfactory –contended smile, he was too happy to get all this importance all of a sudden . Importance- this was Birthday for Mistu.

Then my Mom and Aunties called me up to wish Mistu , when they wished him , he too said them HAPPY BIRTHDAY, moreover he said them this song belongs to me and you please don’t sing it, only I will sing it. So this is Birthday for Mistu.

When me and Subhas were busy cleaning and decorating up the house for his forthcoming Birthday Party, he was busy doing enormous mischievous exercises without any objection from anybody unlike other days. This is what Birthday for Mistu.

In the evening , on the way back to home from temple we went to a underprivileged child (street child) to whom we gave new clothes and sweets. We asked Mistu to give those things , he was very happy giving the same to the child’s mother but at the same time was a bit upset as he could not meet the child , as the little girl whom he lovingly gifted all those were not there at that moment. And continuously kept me asking “ where is my new friend whom I gifted all these things ?” This is Birthday for Mistu.

What do we call this ?

I am talking about a lady who is very close to me but some of her characteristics disturbs me a alot. She is always very contended speaking illness and all sorts of physical distortion.I am observing her for 5 long years and only conclude that all these are actually her mental problems. The sickness lies beneath her mind which she is too backdated to understand . She always speaks about one or the other problem, pains, etc. occuring in various parts of her body but when the part is examined by a doctor its found normal. She is very happy taking different types of medicines. I advised her to read various books , to watch television or atleast go for a brief stroll every evening but all in vain.

Day by day she is going deep down in darkness, a darkness from where no one can lift her , untill she desires to come out. And it is not possible for me to take her to any counsellor or such doctors as this action of mine will not be taken in a good manner by people who are near to her and unfortunately does not feel the need of a healthy mind just like a healthy body.

Moreover the lack of self realisation and self rejuvination do not allow her to take any new things , experience new moments in life. Neither she have any hobby nor self wllingness to lead a chearful life thus the four walls of her room and few faces has become her world.

How will she comeover the situation is beyooooond my thought.

What do we call this, Middle age crisis as she is 59-60 years old? Or mere frustration ? Depression? How can she come out of it and lead a healthy life like us?

If you all have any suggesstion come up ....

laugh to live

I believe this philosophy that live with a broad smile in your face and thereby u win half the battle. It's a medicine that probably no doctor would prescribe to u...but it works wonders, spreads joys and happiness.Trust me it's a medicine drug use it......Says OSHO.
Osho introduced laughter as a cleaning process. There are three types of it ...
The first is when we laugh at somebody , thats the cheapest type of laughter which in a way is an insult to our own self.Deep down in this laughter , there always is a feeling of revenge.
The second type is when we laugh at our ownself.This is worth acheiving and cultured and very few of us can do so.
The third is just cosmic , i mean laughing at situation as it is. The whole situation of exeistence is such that if you can see the whole , such a great vastness moving toward no fixed purpose , no goal laughter will arise.OSHO introduced laughter as medicine.
OSHO introduced a laughter meditation, try it..will really work.
Every morning upon waking , before opening your eyes stretch your body to the fullest and smile broad, then laugh , first u have to do it but soon the sound of your attempt will cause genuine laughter.Loose yourself in laughter.It may take sveral days before it really happens. But before long it will be spontaneous and will change the whole nature of the day.
Try it and let me know whther it worked.

what is FATE ??

The whole Mukherjee Family was in a mood of celebration. From the youngsters to the oldies were ready to spend loads of money on new dresses and self beautification. The house too smells of new paint and new things brought to home very often. The cold wave of January’2003 was shaking everybody with sheer joy and happiness. And TIASA !!.A working lady of 21st century though keeps herself busy in office the whole day but back in mind she too is engulfed by the happiness nurturing around. These days back home she often experiences surprises brought by her overjoyed father. Yes, overjoyed is the actual word to describe her father’s state of mind then. It’s all because Tiasa was going to step into a new life on February 17th ,2003. She was going to marry Sparsh.

Sparsh was a nice person, principally very strong and a perfectionist, which often leads to problem between these two. For Sparsh even sweeping is an art and if one does the same it should be done with sincerity and style. There lots of dissimilarity of thoughts between Tiasa and Sparsh but those only brought them closer and compels them to respect each others view. Their relationship again proved, opposites attract. A whole new world of happiness, contentment and ecstasy were in full bloom for Tiasa and this pleasure of thoughts touched his father the most. He was extremely happy to get her daughter married to Sparsh whom he liked on the first meet.

Interruption to happiness

Tiasa was busy sending e-mails in her Bombay Head office while she was extremely astonished by the entry of her Uncle in her Office cabin. While questioned of his presence he tried to avoid the same and his face became pale and dark with anxiety. Somehow he convinced her to leave with him for home constantly passing off the queries of Tiasa. Then he took the phone number and rang up our Branch Manager to grant Tiasa leave for the day following up with some whispers which did not reach Tiasa’s ear but increased her uneasiness. Tiasa was in complete gloom, she forgot to say a single word thereafter , she could not make out what was happening with her. Just before leaving the office she informed Sparsh over phone about her Uncle’s presence and her immediate leave from office.

Dusky sunset
It was sunset time and Tiasa was rolling down in a car over Vidyasagar Setu, this sunset was very poignant for Tiasa , she could not think more just starred blankly at he drowning Sun. In the next few minutes Tiasa saw herself entering a big Hospital Campus along with her Uncle. There she also saw Sparsh and other relatives waiting. She understood something very sad, unfortunate and a bitter truth was waiting for her.5 Days to go for her marriage , while destiny has lead her to this hospital where she saw her Father resting in Hospital’s ICU bed No3 with Oxygen mask and many more accessories attached on his chest. He had a severe heart attack the same morning while he went to invite the guest for her daughter’s marriage.

Brawling with fate

No, she did not break up- she stood straight, accepted the destiny’s punch though with a heavy heart and prepared herself to face the whole situation very strongly. Tiasa and Sparsh stood by their respective family members and tried to put them at ease. Tiasa’a mother was in dilemma and pathetic state of mind in spite of constant mental support of Tiasa. Next few days saw Tiasa and Sparsh spending days in Hospitals , visiting to Doctor’s chamber, medicine shops but all in vain. They could not bring back their dear father home.Tiasa’s father went away with a very heavy heart and lots of hope nested in it. The Pandal where Tiasa would have entered into a new life holding back his father’s hand and reaching for a new person , a new phase of life , experienced the death rituals of her father.
A dark cloud of grief roofed up the house and its members.